It’s two days before my birthday as I write this, and I’ve just done my list of things from 2017 that I am grateful for learning, having, knowing and being able to let go of (yes, I’m a little late, but am proud of myself for doing it nonetheless). Last December, like I do every year, I looked to the coming of 2018 as the opportunity to make life-affirming changes, so I spent some time looking at what I wanted to bring into my life. I didn’t write them out as goals because that felt like skirting the realness of them. They’re not goals – they’re choices.
Goals, to me, are airy-fairy because we’re so overloaded with the language about them. It’s just words and it’s our choice to give them power. When I think with my whole being – my heart and my head – it often leads to pleasant surprises. And also knowing myself, making those choices an active part of my life is something that I know I’ll do better when I can sit down and talk with my girlfriends about them. So, taking a clue from the words above, I’m going to make new choices, and I’m going to go write through it.
My struggles are not unique. Food? I’ve used it to anesthetize emotions. Balanced health? I dove into work, rationalizing that my time rushing off to work was a better choice than taking 15 minutes to dance or walk. Relationships? Well, when you’re anesthetizing yourself with food and working like a maniac, who has time for relationships? Changing any one of those things could be difficult in any given year, but this year, I’ve shown Excuse the door, and I’ve decided to embrace Choice as the sole instrument of change.
2018 will be my life in “heart-forward” mode, more vividly real, one where I am more present, doing in my job with the passion that I have on my best days every day, and one where I place each step I take with intent and love.
So my choices are simple. I am choosing to let go of the emotional, workaholic baggage that I carry. I make choices that build the reality that I want rather than those that trap me in past decisions. And I choose activities that will help me regain my balance in all those areas. What do those choices entail? Changing the tape that plays in my head to one with a supportive voice. Committing to my meditation practice. Reconnecting. Learning the things that I want to learn and growing in the ways that I want to grow.
I’m not going to beat myself up if I have a day where I choose differently, and I’m going to enjoy the process and whatever it brings.